I relapsed. Not alcohol. Not nicotine… sugar.
Sugar is my drug of choice.

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And if I’m honest, I haven’t been choosing myself lately. I’ve been choosing what felt good in the moment instead of what was good for my body long term. The gym was my routine, my habit. I was going, but I wasn’t really pushing or challenging myself. I was simply showing up and checking a box. Even if I thought I could fool myself, my body always tells the truth.

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It shows up as chronic pain, hormone spikes, mood swings, headaches, inflammation, exhaustion, breakouts, edema, and weight gain. Did I mention pain?

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I have to keep asking myself, if I know how sugar affects me, why did I go back to it?

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Because I wanted to just live my life.
Because I didn’t want to spend my time food prepping.
Because I didn’t want to think about what I was going to eat all the time.
Because I didn’t want to track everything.
Because I wanted to believe in everything in moderation.
Because I didn’t want to have to be responsible for every choice.
Because sometimes I just wanted to be normal and not have to think about it.
Because in the moment, it felt easier.
Because willpower only takes me so far.
Because somewhere along the way, I stopped leading myself.
Because I stopped inviting Jesus into this part of my life.

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And that’s really what this is about. This is not about sugar. This is not about weight.
This is not even about discipline. This is about leadership. Self-leadership.

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Leading myself when I don’t feel like it, when I’m tired, when I’m emotional, when I want it easy. Leading myself when no one is watching and when comfort would be easier than growth.

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Leadership starts in the mirror.
It starts with the decisions no one sees: what we eat and how we move.
What we allow and what we tolerate. What we say yes to and what we say no to.
What we do when we fall off track.

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Leaders don’t pretend they never fall. We take personal responsibility, we reset, and we keep moving forward.

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I am taking responsibility for my life, my health, and the future I’m building.
I want to be there fully for my husband, my children, and my grandchildren.
I want to have the energy to live the life I believe God has called me to live.

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The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 10:31:
“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

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I want to glorify God with my whole life, and that includes how I care for the body He gave me.

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My body is not something to punish or ignore or abuse with sugar, stress, exhaustion, and neglect. It is something to care for, pay attention to, nourish well, and respect.
It deserves rest when needed and intentional choices every day.

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This version of me is going to require hard choices, discipline, and responsibility.
Not because I have to, but because I want the life that comes from leading myself well, not the life that comes from always choosing what’s easy in the moment.

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I’ll leave you with this question:

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Are your daily choices leading you toward the life you want, or just helping you escape the day you’re in?

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BLG means growth