If you had asked me a few years ago what grace looked like, I would have told you it was something we extend to other people. Forgive quickly. Assume the best. Be patient. Show compassion. All of that is true.

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I’ve been learning that there’s another side to grace that I’ve overlooked for far too long. Extending it to myself. For most of my life, I thought being hard on myself was a strength. I believed my inner critic kept me accountable. If I could just push a little harder, do a little better, make fewer mistakes, I’d eventually become the person I wanted to be. Instead, I found myself exhausted.

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The truth is, perfectionism has a way of disguising itself as excellence. And self-criticism often masquerades as discipline.

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Looking back over my own journey, I’ve started to notice a pattern. The seasons when I’ve been the hardest on other people were often the seasons when I was being the hardest on myself. It wasn’t really about them. It was about me.

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The impatience I saw in others often reflected the impatience I carried toward myself. The unrealistic expectations I placed on others were often the same impossible expectations I placed on my own shoulders.

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That realization was uncomfortable. But it was also freeing. Because if criticism can overflow from a heart that is struggling, then perhaps grace can overflow from a heart that’s learning to receive it.And that has made me think differently about the way I lead. Because how can I lead others with grace if I don't know how to extend grace to myself?

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That doesn’t mean lowering the standard. It doesn’t mean ignoring accountability. Grace and accountability were never meant to compete with one another. In fact, I’m learning that some of the best leaders are able to hold both. They can tell the truth and still be kind. They can hold someone accountable without making them feel like their mistake defines them. They can recognize where someone needs to grow while still seeing the person they are becoming.

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‍Grace changes the atmosphere where growth happens. It says, “You made a mistake, but your mistake doesn’t define you.” It says, “You’re still becoming.”

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As leaders, we have the privilege of creating environments where people can grow. The way we respond when someone gets it wrong matters. The way we handle mistakes matters. The expectations we place on people matter; so does the grace we extend along the way. I don’t believe we can consistently create that kind of environment for others if we refuse to create it within ourselves. I’ve discovered that the grace I extend to others rarely exceeds the grace I’m willing to receive myself.

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When I think about what it looks like to lead with grace, I can’t think of a greater example than Jesus. Jesus never lowered the standard, but He also never withheld grace from people because they hadn’t reached it yet. He met people right where they were. In their mistakes. In their brokenness. In their shame. In the middle of their stories. He saw who they were, but He also saw who they could become.

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That’s the kind of grace I want to learn to lead with. Grace that tells the truth without condemnation. Grace that holds people accountable while still leaving room for growth. Grace that doesn't expect perfection from people who are still becoming. Grace that remembers I am still becoming too. I’m still learning this. I still catch myself when criticism comes more naturally than compassion. And the person I’m criticizing most is often me. I’m beginning to understand that becoming a leader who extends more grace to others doesn’t begin with trying harder to be gracious. It begins with me. With learning to see myself through the same lens of grace that Jesus has already extended to me.

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Grace isn’t the reward we receive once we’ve finally grown enough. Grace is often the very thing that gives us room to grow. And maybe one of the greatest gifts we can give the people we lead is that same room.

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Let's land this with a question I need to ask myself, and maybe you do too
Where could I extend a little more grace today, to someone I lead, someone I love, or even to myself?

Maybe it starts by noticing where criticism shows up first, and then choosing grace instead. If I want to lead with grace, love with grace, and extend grace to the people around me, I have to be willing to receive it too.

Grace begins with me.

BLG Means Growth

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